Hello, dear readers. My name is Charles and what you’re reading now is the introduction of my review of the game 7 Sins. In this paragraph I’m supposed to warm you guys up and twaddle about the game’s concept, yet without giving away any indication of how I feel about it. But since 7 Sins is just one flat CD-shaped piece of crap, let’s not do that. Instead, let’s do what every immature and frustrated reviewer would do after he finds himself playing a terrible game for hours: showing how the developers over at Monte Cristo are guilty of all seven sins themselves and rub it in their face.
Fact: every company wants to make money. The easiest way to do so is by making a product that will appeal to a large crowd. So, Monte Cristo wasn’t interested in making a shooter, strategy game or RPG … they made that type of game where you take on the role of a guy who wants to work himself up by earning money and respect. It’s easy to play and every man can picture himself in the game. Ching Ching !
Fact: EA made a lot of money out of their Sims franchise. So, why not live on their success and copy the concept and tweak it just a little ?
Fact: Porn can make you a lot of money. However, we haven’t seen a lot of that in videogames yet, so let’s add that. Just one problem: the age ratings. 18+ games are automatically banned in some countries, so it might be better if the characters didn’t pose fully nude but kept their underwear on, to guarantee a 16+ rating.
Now let’s review the final concept of the game: The main character needs to impress females (and occassionally males) and sleep with them in order to make them do things for
you. In the end, you’ll earn money and respect and become the biggest player in town. You’ll start off working in a clothes shop, but soon you’ll be working for TV or crash at SM parties. Sounds brilliant. I rewarded it with a score of 0 for a complete lack of inspiration and respect for the female gender.
Fact: Time is money. Designing a game with good and innovative gameplay takes time, so MC rather made a game with simple controls that respond very slow. To progress in a conversation, you just have to choose a line for the next subject or action. It’s your job to find out which subjects interest the ladies and use them to improve your relationship and achieve your goals. And just so players wouldn’t feel how dull the gameplay actually is, some mini-games were implemented, like where you have sex, or piss on the plants, or whatever.
While interacting with people, you’ll need to keep an eye on four bars: the amount of sins you’ve commited, the temperature in your pants and your stress and frustration level. When one of them is full, your man will freak out and run away, so keep them low.
A crucial factor for almost any game is how it looks. Well, I can’t deny the locations and models look quite nice. However, I also can’t deny the fact that the loading times are terribly long – in comparison: loading one shop takes about the same amount of time it takes GTA: San Andreas to load a giant city. Strange.
The sound is abominable. The main tune is monotonous, sound effects are hardly noticeable and conversations consist of incomprehensible Sims-like gibberish.
Well, of course MC will have been proud when their game was finished, like every mother or father would love his child, no matter how ugly or crippled it was.
The feeling the guys at MC will no doubt sense while reading my review. Well, keep your cool guys. Another minute or two and you’re through.
In conclusion: No matter how sexually frustrated you are, don’t buy this game. With the sexual content you’d think the developers aimed for a mature crowd, however the gameplay, the minigames and the conversations are very basic and simple and will in my opinion only appeal to young players. However, due to the 16+ rating, this game isn’t suited for anybody really, so make sure to steer clear of this one. Only one final word to Monte Cristo: no hard feelings. Just don’t make crap like this again. Ever.