gaming since 1997


Sensitive readers are best not to continue reading. What follows is a deep crushing of a game that had good ideas but never succeeded to in any way explain why you should pay for it. Let alone why you would give money for it on a monthly basis. I personally found it a disgrace that I was NOT paid to play it.

While starting up Archlord, something that takes some time thanks to the clumsy registration process, a dark force seems to infest you. Somewhere in the back of your head a suggestion rises, some sort of telepathic vision of what’s waiting for you.

A MMORPG apparently, yes, but one that can be described as the Anti-WoW. A MMORPG that stands for everything plain evil, dark and devilish to the genre, an example of everything that can go wrong, a sum of misses with as result a game that sucks every, and I’m saying évery, little grain of gaming fun out of you already after the first seconds of playing as if it were a whory breed from hell, obsessed with prematurily ending your life force.

I may be overdoing things a bit, but walk with me. Such games ask a lot of you: both financially as well as when it comes to time consumption, this genre will ask sometimes more than you’re willing to give. On top of that you need to emotionally attach to your choice as you need to make new friends, go through fora and learn each grain of information if you want to get everything out of it. On top of that you need to explain your girl/boyfriend why the game is better than rumbling around a bit with her/him. That why we’re allowed to be a bit more strict, even if Snowwhite would spill her guts. With pieces! That stink!

Snowwhite would turn green and purple if suddenly a fairytale teller would suddenly put her in this world. Everyone looks the same (pretty difficult otherwise with three races, a handful classes and only a couple of hairstyles of which several even need to get unlocked) and surroundings that are more boring than that mathematics book that’s been in your attic collecting dust for years.

The graphics also don’t rise above the level of Dark Age of Camelot (made in the 70s or something?) and during literally the first two minutes you’ll already have thought “WTF???” more than the innocent girls that are being invited to the bedrooms of Asqwanka or Zwan (in the case of Zwan this comparison is purely hypothetical)

The bugs are omnipresent (about every object has clipping problems and characters float more often than that there are geese on their way to the South Pole) and the clichés are added so fat and without gene that you’ll even think this is some ironic mockery.

But that hope faints fast.

“And what about the gameplay?” I hear you all suggest in your naive minds. Ignorance is bliss, I have to admit.

Player-vs-Player is so boring that I got a hole in my head from falling asleep, and the grinding is what it is: as fun as eating stones where an incontinent buffalo spent the night on.

And yes, even then I still had some faith that the whole “Archlord”-concept could save everything. After all, the masochist who can bring himself to play weeks in a row, and thanks to the support from his or her guild can become boss, or Archlord, from the server gets a castle, a dragon to ride, a handful of bodyguards, the power to influence the weather and a safeguard to terrorise the rest of the players.

Sounds great! Unfortunately I didn’t succeed in becoming Archlord as therefore my life and time are too valuable to me. On top of that the servers seemed so empty (again reminding me of Zwan’s bedroom – hey, and what about my teddies then? – Zwan) that the big chief will have to amuse himself with crushing squirrels and mushrooms, or saving a lonely soul that accidentally started up the game.

This in the end is the only attraction of the game called Archlord, being Archlord. But if you know that only one person can become that every three week, and that the rest of the game is so horribly bad, so dull, so filled with bugs, unfinished features and quests, that there’s such a visible lack of inspiration and there soon will be something like The Burning Crusade available on the market, then there’s only one conclusion possible:

Don’t buy Archlord… Really!

Our Score:
related game: Archlord
posted in: Codemasters, PC, Reviews
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