What an irritating experience I just had! Even in the first levels, my irritation standard reached a new level. What’s the deal with those stupid monsters with no A.I whatsoever? They run, and run, and run, just to blow up in your face without leaving a trace. Nothing to do but shooting of arms and legs to collect blood, or hitting them on their only weak spot. Why don’t you kiss my bollocks, one might say. Yes, it could be fun if the controls were in order, unfortunately, the controls make you feel like a drunken sailor on a boat that’s just been attacked by Greenpeace. And why are you a cool assassin with style, which has to play with his dull imagination. Your cool assassin has some weird disease and a split personality. With 7 personalities, there are plenty opportunities for handling puzzles.
I didn’t need much more than a half hour of playing Killer 7 and an awful swear resounded in my bedroom. Yours truly left his home to get drunk in a peculiar café named Camargue. There I spoke to my beloved friends about the horrible game Killer 7 turned out to be. We were drinking pints, singing songs about Hiroyuki Kobayashi, the creator of this game. After another smash hit called ‘Hiroyuki Kobayashi, the crazy old bat hasn’t got the flow anymore’ we left after a last sip of some great Belgian beer called Duvel. You should really try Duvel, it’s beer, but not as you know it. It’s beer for real gentlemen, or maybe drunk old farty people, but who cares, I was talking about Killer 7. I kissed my girlfriend and left the café saying I was going to play Killer 7 tomorrow. The room silenced because everybody, including the barkeeper, knew that dull old games made me want to listen to Coldplay, becoming all mellow.
Next day, Sandro went straight to business. He putted Killer 7 in his Playstation 2 and left on a trip to Irritation Island. Although the irritation was killing Sandro’s mood for sex, he had to admit Killer 7 used some straightforward cool graphical engine. One might call it arty farty, but I’d say this is some fancy shit. This could be the E-talking, but these graphics lift me up to a whole new level of ecstasy. To be complete, the game has some epic cut scenes, which really makes it look like a classy anime film. Even in Irritation Island, this leads to great points for graphics.
Let’s put things straight, Hiroyuki Kobayashi can’t get away with murder just because the Graphics are stylish in Killer 7. Hearing the sound effects in Killer 7, they could have given the bullet to Kobayashi. The voices are more than ok, yet the overall effects just stink like a smelly behind. Your sidekick just keeps yapping in some kind of strange computer language, which obviously becomes annoying after the first time. I honestly just wanted to put his head in the toilet or something brutal. At the end of the level, the music gradually becomes better, but when it reaches its top, it just starts over and over again with uninspired bleeps.
The second day is completed, and I’m a little bit more positive. Maybe if the gameplay could improve just a little bit, I could really be approving this strange mix. And what do you know, it does approve at the end of every level. Everything that follows is just barely good enough, mediocre or just plain rubbish. The puzzles to solve are more than once way to hard or just way to easy. I intended to give Killer 7 a slightly positive review, yet I realise I haven’t got that positive things to say. I’m terribly sorry Kobayashi, I’m trying hard to focus on the positive aspects.
Killer 7 has a nice story with some references to the hysteria following the terrorist attacks the last months. Sadly, you have to complete a whole level of dull experiences to get to the fun stuff. And to honest again, I don’t pay for that stuff. You don’t watch a stupid movie at the cinema just because the last 10 minutes are awesome, do you? Well, I don’t!
Capcom has put a bet on Killer 7 and they knew they could scare a lot of people with it. Actually, they even scared me for a moment. Killer 7 isn’t that original has it pretends to be. It’s just a game with a lot of sick references to group raping and murders. I rather have a good unoriginal game than a stupid semi-original game.