Tak: The Great Juju Challenge
When I was a little boy, I had the right game. The only game I had ever owned but it became better with every play and it became more intense day by day. The protagonist became a hero all by itself, not an infallible one as is proven, but those years he was the man. Today things have changed because now they create a star and use the hype to sell all kind of crap. This phenomena, however, is more universal than one would think. Take the music show Idol for example, they are looking to create stars through whom they can suck the money out of our pockets. So if even stars aren’t born anymore but produced like all the rest of the merchandising, where is the world going to? There is nothing I alone can do to change it but you can! Don’t leap over the ditch because every other foolish sheep did so. Think for yourself because if you don’t stand up now and say no to utter crap, soon mankind too will be nothing more than a bunch of mind-controlled robots for whom nobody’s gives a flying fuck. You think I am exaggirating hey? Wait until you played Tak 3!
It all starts with the lousy cut-scenes. They almost look like they aren’t prerendered at all which is bad because the graphical in-game engine is having enough trouble to keep the world the running. On top of that, they constantly draw attention to the looks because the story is so poorly told that you don’t have anything else to pass the time with. After five seconds, one knows what it is all about but yet the cut-scenes keep going on and on and on … If you forced yourself into having patience like I did, you’ll get the door slammed into your face because the each scene-climax is so daft that you want to pulverise the disc. It is nothing more than a really cheap and above all crappy “Jak & Dextar” imitation. Truly, it reminds me of a fourteen-year-old nerd trying to act like a cool pimp. Thinking to fool me with a lousy imitation, what a bunch of naïve motherfuckers!
After you’ve stared at Tak & Jok, the protagonists, running on a green screen for way to long, the level is finally loaded. I swear that if I didn’t saw them running during the whole process, I would say the programmers deliberately extended the loading times so that Tak & Jok could go fuck each other in between levels. Or perhaps the designers accidentally got stuck up with a bunch of Russian nuclear-engineers who wanted to build this game as safely as possible. If something went wrong, they sure as hell wouldn’t be able to blame them.
I guess the programmers never saw a child in real life either, they probably read about them in an old, dusty book somewhere in the taboo-section of the library because they obviously haven’t got a clue what a child wants. Not only is the concept almost nothing but recycled stuff, it isn’t elaborated properly as well and that even is and understatement. Even if I ignore the beta-state it is in (it still has true programming errors in it), the gameplaysystem is as stable as a jelly-pie in the backpack of a downhill-mountainbiker. Of course, there are moments where its shape is perfectly restored but most of the time it just waggles from one side to the other.
Tak – The Great Juju Challenge takes the classic platform concept with which the PS2 ruled but screws that up completely. Graphics are ugly and nothing compared to the charming look of the first “Jak & Daxter”. The cut-scenes are boring, ridiculous instead of funny and far, very far from entertaining. The sound isn’t too bad but who still gives a damn if everything else goofs?! This could have been the amazingly gripping platform-game which kept you believing in your PS2 forever and ever. Unfortunately, (I am deliberately repeating myself in the hope the message will come through), Tak 3 is everything but Playstation worthy, even released five years ago, I would have easily found what I was looking for in a dozen of other games. Pf, this game makes me sick and that is all it will do to you as well.