WWE Smackdown! vs. Raw
Dumb, full of doping, small schlong, acting talent equal to Pam’s in VIP, and wrestling moves that show their sexual preferences in a blink: those are all features of the numerous wrestlers you’ll encounter in WWE Smackdown! vs. Raw. The mediocre straight guy who doesn’t like wrestling won’t bother. And guess what: I love to count myself in to that group! Still this game knows to catch my attention and you’ll read all about it right here…
When the starting menu shows up, I immediately got a comfy feeling. WWE Smackdown! vs. Raw is equiped with some of the finest in female wrestlers. The sassy ladies bust some cute little dance moves during the menu catching all my attention. I agree, they do look slightly modified, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy watching them. And to make it even better, the loading screens feature pictures of the same busty women. This is truly the only game in which you long for lengthy loading times.
The desperate gamers will already be sitting on their bikes making their way to the nearest by gamestore to get a copy. Lucky for me, not all gamers are pathetic otherwise I’d be writing the next lines for no-one. Female beauty is all good and well if the gameplay is equally good. And, in a way, it is. You get a huge amount of moves to juggle around with and in the create mode you can modify the moves your wrestler will use during matches. Whenever you succeed at giving away some nice punches your Smackdown meter will fill up and once this little fellow is full you’ll be able to bust an extra effective move. And I stress “able” because your opponent can counter all your moves (ofcourse you can too). It’s however not always clear who’s beating who thanks to the numerous grapples that are confusing to say the least. Aside from these special Smackdown moves every player will also have an own style of fighting ranging from clean to dirty. Dirty players for instance, can tear off the cushions in the corners making it hurt a bit more when your nuts are being smashed against them. This will also fill up your “dirty meter” and once this one is full you’ll again be able to bust a special move. It’s obvious that Smackdown! vs. Raw offers a hefty amount of moves but the lack of a tutorial will leave you guessing which moves are left to fool around with. This results in a rather difficult learning curve as you’ll find yourself losing all the games in the beginning. Practice however makes perfect, so sooner or later you’ll get the hang of it.
You’ll spend most time in the career mode. Here you can choose from the rich amount of real wrestlers or you can create one yourself. Once you start your quest for the belt you’ll soon get a first cutscene and believe me it won’t be the last as Smackdown! vs. Raw has a true story line to it. The logic however is a little bit far fetched. I for instance was losing every game but still all the chicks longed for me as if I was the next best thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about the center of attention I was in at that time but it is rather weird. You can also expect a serious amount of overacting during those cutscenes and to make things worse the wrestlers did their own voice-overs. There are mostly so silly and dumb with dialogues such as: “You better not mess with my tomato (synonym for hot blonde thing with a nice rack)” or “wait ’till I get my hands on you” all spoken in true Schwarzenegger English. For those who are looking for a better story line I recommend a doctor novel.
As boring as the story line is, as diverse are the matches. You’ll get a serious amount of variations during your career and I’ll only discuss the most important one, being: Bra and Panties Match. The inventor of this phenomenon deserves the Nobel Price for Sexism; two ladies that battle each other in exotic clothes and the first to be standing in their undies loses. You’ll have to take advantage of every situation to rip off her clothes leaving her stranded with only a small bra and panty on. Ingenious to say the least. The other variations are also worth a play but this one left the biggest mark on my brain.
To bring across all this female beauty you’ll have to have a good engine and I must say that the polygons are richly there. Aside from some disappointing facial animation this game looks rather good. The heavy soundtrack with artists such as Public Enemy and Breaking Benjamin works just fine and sets a proper mood. The only minus in the sound department is the earlier mentioned voice acting with a high level of Schwarzeneggerism.
Aside from a lengthy single player mode Smackdown! vs. Raw also offers an online mode where you can play every kind of match and set your own rules. For a Belgian lad like myself it’s pretty difficult to win though as the network is crowded with Yanks who are wrestling fanatics.
WWE Smackdown! vs. Raw is a more than decent wrestling game with fast gameplay and busty women as icing on the cake. The lack of a tutorial however can be a bit frustrating for beginners and it’s still a fact that wrestling ain’t as big in Belgium as it is in America making it a game for the true fans. If you’re a fan of wrestling but you don’t like the dumb guys and the overkill of bad acting, I recommend you try Def Jam: Fight for New York; as this has equally as much female beauty and more accessible and addictive gameplay.
8.0
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